SHOW OLD CLIPS ON MR. GEAR AND CLIPPY, IN BLACK AND WHITE WHILE THE VOICE OVER PLAYS
VOICE OVER: (in a thick Australian accent) My memory fades....all I can remember now ....Mr. Gear and Clippy, the two most heroic inanimate objects ever. Mr. Gear, a blue cog wheel, forged in the fires of hell...and his companion Clippy, a small red paper clip, he's not heroic though, he's a little bitch with a big mouth. To understand Mr. Gear and Clippy, you have to go back to another time, a time Fox pushed out reality show after reality show....and the mighty wheels knows as entertainment sputtered, and stopped. (show a man on the couch, and then have the man fade away, leaving the couch behind) It is in these times of great boredom that Mr. Gear and Clippy were born. They battled evil, got high, stole things, and were loved by all. However, the love of the people would soon turn to sorrow, as Mr. Gear soon rusted to death, and quite simply feel apart. Clippy, his closest friend and brother, soon also fell. Now the two rest, deservedly so, within the golden walls of heaven. But a terror now befalls the earth....
A DARK COMPLECTED MAN is al K-Mart purchasing some items. The cashier rings his thing through, and he thanks her, and is on his way. He walks out the door, when the alarm goes off.
DARK MAN looks at his things, confused: What? I paid for everything.
A STORE SECURITY GUARD walks towards the DARK MAN: Excuse me sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step back inside the store.
DARK MAN: No problem, but, could you make this quick, my kid's in the car by himself.
SECURITY GUARD: I'll take as long as I dam well please, so just calm down.
The SECURITY GUARD takes the DARK MAN by the arm, and a bottle of Aspirin falls out of his pocket.
SECURITY GUARD holding up the Aspirin: Paid for everything, eh? What's this then?
DARK MAN: Oh, look, I forgot that in my pocket, it's an honest mistake, look, can I pay for it?
SECURITY GUARD: I don't think so...forgot it my ass. Your going away asshole.
DARK MAN: Oh, come on pal, give me a break...my kids in the car, by himself...don't you have any kids?
GUARD: Is that any of you business?
DARK MAN: Look, I can pay for it.
DARK MAN reaches into his pocket, and pulls out his wallet.
The GUARD jumps behind a bin of candies
GUARD: HE'S GOT A GUN, SOMEONE CALL THE COPS!
AS he says this, everyone except the DARK MAN falls to the ground.
DARK MAN: It's my wallet, I want to pay for this bottle of Aspirin, come on!
A CASHIER pushes the silent alarm button, and the doors lock.
DARK MAN: Look, I'm going to check on my son, I'll come back, and maybe you guys can ring this in for me, OK?
The DARK MAN tries to open the door, but it's locked.
DARK MAN holds up his wallet: OH COME ON! THIS IS NOT A GUN!
A JOGGER runs by outside the K-Mart, when he sees the DARK MAN holding up his wallet. He immediately falls to the ground.
JOGGER on the ground: Oh my God, the terrorists are holding up K-Mart...that looks like a gun to me.
The JOGGER crawls to the pay phone. We can see a FERAL KID in the background.
CU on the pay phone. We can see a hand come up, and pick the receiver up off the hook, and then disappear. We then see the same hand reach up, and hit the "0" button.
CUT TO: MR. GEAR and CLIPPY, sitting in beach chairs, on a beautiful tropic beach. The are both drinking CORONA EXTRAS, when we hear a VO.
VO: MILES AWAY FROM ORDINARY.
Then, we can hear another voice over.
DIRECTOR offscreen: CUT! Mr. Gear, Clippy, that was beautiful guys.
Both MR. GEAR, and CLIPPY get out of their chairs.
MR. GEAR: I love it up here in Heaven Clippy, doing Corona Extra commercials for the rest of eternity sounds pretty cool to me. Plus, with all the evil we defeated, we certainly earned it, eh Clippy?
CLIPPY: I wanted to have sex with your wife.
MR. GEAR. Yes, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, mostly because I'm so happy, I'm in Heaven.
CLIPPY: You were always happy, what's the difference now?
MR. GEAR: Well, we're in friggin' Heaven, for one. Your just never happy are you Clippy?
CLIPPY: I was happy when I WAS DOING YOU MOM!
MR. GEAR: We're brothers, remember? She was your mom too. That's pretty sick Clippy.
CLIPPY: Aw crap, that one really back fired one me, didn't it?
MR. GEAR: I would say so., you sick bastard. But, I'm not surprised, not too much you could say or do would surprise me anymore.
MR. GEAR and CLIPPY walk offscreen. We can see JIMMI HENDRIX, staring at the two shocked. Then the original SIR CHAIR walks onscreen.
CUT TO: outside of K-Mart.
Several Police cars, and SWAT teams vans litter the parking lot. A POLICE OFFICER stand up with a megaphone.
COP #1: THIS IS FOR THE ARMED GUNMAN INSIDE K-MART, THERE IS NO LONGER ANY WAY YOU CAN SURRENDER WITHOUT US BLOWING YOU AWAY, HOWEVER, IF YOU COME OUTSIDE, WE'LL ONLY KILL YOU, AND NONE OF THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE STORE.
CUT TO: WOLF BLITZER, with the CNN symbol at the bottom of the screen.
WOLF: This is Wolf Blitzer reporting live at the scene of a K-Mart that came under fire today, at the hands of a gunman. Now, we do have an early photo, but it is a little blurry.
Show a hand drawn pic on paint.
WOLF still showing the photo: You'll have to excuse us, this is an early photo, but I believe this is the gunman.
Circle a random area of the picture.
WOLF: As you can see, this is the gunman. I'll now try to get an interview with one of the police officers. (He walks over to COP #1) We can see a FERAL KID in the background.
WOLF: Excuse me sir, I was wondering what the situation looks like inside the store.
COP #1 IS DRAWING THE HAND DRAWN PICTURE OF THE GUNMAN, HE LOOKS UP AT WOLF, AND HOLDS THE PIC UP: This is what we believe the gunman looks like, this is of course an early sketch, but this is what we believe he looks like.
WOLF: Have you heard any gunfire from inside the store?
COP #1: No, but we do expect that he'll begin slaughtering civilians in order for his demands to be meet.
WOLF: And what are his demands?
COP #1: At this point, no one knows, which can only give us a clue as to how crazy this individual we are dealing with it.
WOLF (turning towards the camera): There you have it folks, soon a blood bath, a slaughter of innocents, a merciless massacre, may take place soon. And stick with CNN in order to get all the bloody detail. You'll be sure to see all the blood spilled, all the shrapnel thrown, the sinew snapping, the bones cracking, and, we'll be right back.
Commercial (VO): I never knew what "freedom" truly meant....
Pause for some Opera music.
VO: Until I drove the Honda Acura.
CUT INSIDE the K-Mart.
The DARK MAN (on the ground): What the hell is wrong with you people?
CUT TO WOLF BLITZER ON CNN:
WOLF: We now have a few people who have managed to escape the confines of that K-Mart that has become a war zone. Excuse me miss? Can you tell us what that gun toting madman looked like?
CRAZY LADY #1: I didn't see him myself, but it was scary, all I heard was, he had a gun, and I hit the ground. I didn't see a gun though, I think it was a bomb of some kind, it looked small, wallet sized, and black. It was square, so it wasn't a gun.
CRAZY LADY #2: He looked dark complected, like he was one o' them dam Packies we're at war with!
WOLF: You mean Iraqi?
CRAZY LADY #2: Whatever, all I know is that we shouldn't even let em in our country! The camel (bleep) eatin' mother (bleep)s, we let em in here, and look what happens!
WOLF: I'd like to take this time to remind everyone that the opinions expressed by this crazy elderly woman, who is obviously starving for attention, in no way represents CNN as a company, although I know Lou, the camera man feels the same way.
LOU: (offscreen) Shut up Wolf.....
WOLF: Yeah, screw my wife now that you don't have a job. Anyway, how did you two escape the K-Mart in question?
CRAZY LADY #2 attempts to answer, but WOLF pushes her out of the way.
CRAZY LADY #1: Well, we went out the back door.
WOLF: The backdoor? His efforts to keep you inside must have been minimal?
CRAZY LADY #1: Yeah, he didn't do too much to stop us, in fact, he was laying on the floor when he left. The nearest I can figure it, is that he laid a chemical bomb, and was waiting for it to take effect. Oh Lord and Mercy, I'm scared Wolf...
As soon as she says this several men in radiation suits carry her away.
WOLF: There you have it ladies and gentlemen, the terrorist has chemical weapons inside the store. Oh God, this is terrible. We've just received word that several small children, some infants are also inside the store as well. Oh God, oh God, what are we coming to? All those small children, oh God.
I'd like to remind you, this terrorist situation is brought to you by Crest, because if you don't have nice breath, no one will talk to you, and you'll live out the rest of your days as a hobo.
CUT TO CRAZY LADY #2: She is standing talking to a RANDOM COP, who is sketching.
CRAZY LADY #2: He had a big white beard, and a turban.
RANDOM COP: Is this him?
RANDOM COP holds up a picture of Osama bin Laden. We zoom in on the picture, dramatic music playing.
CUT TO: Inside K-Mart.
VO: COP #1: COME OUTSIDE THE STORE, AND DROP YOUR WEAPONS, YOU TERRORIST PIECE OF SHIT! SPARE THE LIVES OF THE CHILDREN INSIDE, AND WE MAY SPARE YOURS!
DARK MAN: IT'S A WALLET! A DAM WALLET! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S A WALLET!
A MAN lying on the ground, gets up, and run out the door.
MAN: YOU CAN'T KEEP ME IN HERE, YOU K-MART JACKIN', TERRORIST BASTARD!
He is immediately shot in the back of the head, which prompts everyone to cover the heads.
VO: COP #1: CLEARLY, WE ARE NOW DEALING WITH MORE THAN ONE TERRORIST. ALL OF THE TERRORISTS LOCATED INSIDE, KNOW THIS, TRY A STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN, AND YOU WILL RECEIVE THE SAME FATE. OUR POLICE SNIPERS ARE IN PLACE.
DARK MAN: Oh sweet Jumping Jesus Christ, we're all gonna die.
He looks at the bottle of Asprin, and sees that price tag saying $8.99.
DARK MAN: Oh God, we're all gonna die over $9 dollars?!
SECURITY GUARD: We'll, if you didn't pull that gun, none of this woulda happened.
The DARK MAN slaps that SECURITY GUARD in the face with the wallet.
DARK MAN: Could you tell me what kinda gun that is?
SECURITY GUARD: No, but I'm sure it's some sort of "dirty bomb" or something.
DARK MAN: If it was a dirty bomb, don't you think I would have let it go by now?
SECURITY GUARD: Maybe it's a chemical bomb, and you already let it go, and we're all dead, but just don't know it yet.
DARK MAN: Were you parent's cousins?
CUT TO: A woman talking to a man with a brightly coloured mask.
WOMAN: I love you number 13! Please unmask yourself, so I can see who you are!
He does as he is instructed, and it's a circus freak underneath.
FREAK: I love you too, now we can be together, forever! Kiss me!
He pulls her in close the kiss, but she vomits on him instead.
A news woman appears onscreen.
NEWS CHICK: We interrupt Mr. Personality, to bring you this special report. A unknown terrorists, believed to be aligned with the new terror organization of "Dug-Dug-Click" has taken over a local K-Mart, with what is believed to be a chemical weapon. Of course, none of this is confirmed, but we should take it as fact, and begin fortifying our homes against the force, of this "Dug-Dug-Click", as there are no doubt several other agents in our country. They could be your lawyers, doctors, teachers, preachers, mechanics, car salesmen, our next-door neighbors, they could even be your children, or you spouse or significant other. There is no way to be sure here people! We'll be right back, after this!
CUT TO: A man, walking along smiling.
VO: Oxycute your pimples, because it your have acne, that hot girl in your class won't sleep with you, and the most you can hope for, is to die quickly of a heroine overdose alone in a motel room, at age 34.
CUT TO: George Bush sitting on a toilet, reading a paper. We can heard a KNOCKING offscreen.
BUSH: I'm in here.
SECRET SERVICE #1: There's a crisis at a K-Mart sir, involving a terrorist.
BUSH flipping the page: There's no way a terrorist could get to me, right?
SECRET SERVICE #1: That's right.
BUSH: Excellent.
CUT TO: Heaven. MR. GEAR AND CLIPPY are walking along, and they see the MAN, who was gunned down by police snipers.
MR. GEAR: Hello there. How did you die?
MAN: Gunned down by a police sniper.
MR. GEAR: Then, why are you in Heaven?
MAN: I was trying to run from a gunmen who took over a K-Mart. The Police Snipers shot me.
MR. GEAR: That's awful. Why would a gunmen take over a K-Mart.
CLIPPY: Because of their low-low prices?
MR. GEAR: Or their extremely cheap hand-gun ammunition?
MAN: Or, is it just a dumb story to begin with? I mean, Americans being that paranoid?
They all start laughing.
MR. GEAR: Well, welcome to Heaven. It's fun here, right Clippy?
Clippy: I hate you.
MR. GEAR: Well, anyway, take MY word for it. And tell us more about this gunman.
CUT TO: The parking lot of K-Mart.
COP #1 (with the megaphone): COME OUTSIDE, SO WE CAN KILL YOU HORRENDOUSLY WITHOUT HAVING TO KILL ANY OF THE OTHER PEOPLE INSIDE K-MART!
He lowers his microphone, and waits a second.
COP #1: Goddamit! He's not coming out, we're going to have to find a way to break inside.
COP #2 (rises next to cop #1): Go inside? Are you sure you want to do that sir? I mean they said he had a bomb, it could be a chemical bomb. One of out cops could die.
COP #1: Good point, we'll send you in.
COP #2: What? Why me?
COP #1: Because you're the most under experienced cop we have.
COP #2: Underexperienced?
COP #1: By that, I mean the most fit cop. Suit up.
CUT TO: Inside K-MART.
The DARK MAN is lying on the ground.
DARK MAN:(heroic music playing) Listen, if we work together, we can get out of this mess, maybe. I know I'm not the best leader in the world, but in this, our time of need, a time of desperation, we need anything we can get, and if it has to be me, then so be it. But, I'd have to say, that if we got out alive, wouldn't it have been worth the fight in the first place? Wouldn't this have all been worth it? Maybe this is a test, from our almighty creator, to see if we're worthy of accepting his kingdom. So, with that in mind, I say we put ours together, and give them what for! Now, WHO'S WITH ME?!
FAT CONSUMER (on the ground as well): SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU IRANIAN BASTARD!
DARK MAN: You ignorant bastard! No ones with me? None of you want out of here?
RANDOM LADY: No, we don't deal with terrorists.
DARK MAN: Oh, for the love of God.
FAT CONSUMER: Don't you mean Allah?
DARK MAN: Fine, I just want you to know, your killing yourselves here, and your taking me with you.
RANDOM LADY: One less terrorist in the world.
FAT CONSUMER: I'm fine with that.
RANDOM MAN: Yeah, me too.
CUT TO: COP #2, suited up, making his way into the back door of K-Mart. He is walking along slowly, when he radios in.
COP #2 (in a whisper): I'm in sir, So far I have encountered no resistance from the terrorists.
He continues to walk along, and he sees himself in the mirror, and fires a round off into it, falling down himself.
COP #1 (over the radio): What was that? I heard a gun shot. Are you OK?
COP #2: Yeah, I think my gun misfired.
COP #1: OK boys, we've got an officer down inside, suit up, we're going in!
COP #2: No, sir, my gun miss....
COP #1: All right boys, lets go in, they're "dirty bombs" are no match for our fully automatic rifles!
Cue "It's a Wonderful World".
We can see the police officers storming the K-Mart, and begin firing wildly.
SLOW MOTION: We can see the DARK MAN, along with RANDOM LADY, RANDOM MAN, AND FAT CONSUMER, being shot several times. This should be a very long and drawn out scene. As they are being mowed down, one by one, we can only hear the sound of blood smearing against the walls.
CUT TO: WOLF BLITZER (with CNN logo at bottom of screen) Well, as you can see, the Police force, has begun to take action against the terrorists inside the store. Now, to show the shootings as they are taking place, is in bad taste, so, we're going to have to be quick about it.
We can now see the Police officers standing inside the bullet-riddled K-Mart. Their guns smoking.
COP #2's gun misfires again, and the Police officers again begin shooting wildly, when the camera is taken over by static.
CUT TO: Larry King sitting at a desk at the CNN offices.
LARRY: We've seam to have lost the feed....uh....this is a very serious situation, and we don't know if Wolf will make it out of this one.....the terrorists have seam to have opened fire upon the police force, once they entered the building.......I'm not one whose qualified to make such a statement in the least, but I will anyway, there must have been more than one terrorist, and they now have Wolf Blitzer and his company in their clutches. I don't know what to say, I'm gripped with fear right now, so I think it's time to cut to a commercial.
CUT TO Commercial:
VO: Do you suffer from being fat? Then buy the abb-sucking fat blaster for $199.99, or you will die of a massive heart attack, you fat grease saturated monkey!
CUT TO: GEORGE BUSH ON THE TOILET, STILL READING THE PAPER. We can heard a KNOCKING offscreen.
SECRET SERVICE: Are you still in there sir?
BUSH: Yeah, I'm a little backed up if you don't mind.
SECRET SERVICE: Sir, it's believed the terrorists have killed off the entire Police force at K-Mart.
BUSH: Let em have it, we've still got Wal-Mart. The most loved of all Marts.
SECRET SERVICE: Sir, they believe this is the man behind it. (he slides a pic of bin Laden under the door.
BUSH looks at the pic, we can see the close up of BUSH'S eyes. We then pan out, and we can see a though bubble over his head, with a picture of ZZ Top in it.
BUSH: ZZ Top attacked K-Mart?
SECRET SERVICE: Sir, that's Osama bin Laden.
BUSH stands up, dropping his paper, pants still around his ankles, crotch censored out.
BUSH: Wipe my ass, we're going war!
CU: on BUSH'S face, he's visibly angry, and we can hear dramatic music playing. At the end of the music's cue, BUSH cut's loose a wicked fart.
CUT TO HELL:
SIR CHAIR is holding a black book: They forgot about Sir Chair, everyone forgot about the evil that is Sir Chair, well, they will soon remember, for I now have in my demonic possession, a very powerful being, one who will do my bidding, yes, they will remember me, SIR CHAIR! SWORN ENEMY TO ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE! Yes, after years of torture in hell, I will soon turn the Earth, or at least America, onto it's side, then I shall completely consume my human host, transporting him here, and me to Earth! (cue evil music) HAHAHAHAHAHA! (stop evil music) Oh, according to this book of black magic I can install phone booths wherever I want as well.
CUT TO: A DARKENED ROOM, WITH A MAN SITTING IN THE SHADOWS. WE CAN HEAR THE CNN BROADCAST.
SHADOWY FIGURE: I can only pray that Bush does not attack K-Mart, or I will be forced to reveal that I am the true owner of the chain of stores in question, and retaliate. Thus revealing who I am, (turning to face the camera) and destroy Bush, my arch-nemesis! (PLAY SUSPENSE MUSIC)
CUT TO CHEESUS in his apartment. He is in bed, with the cover pulled up around his waist. He picks up the remote, and turns on CNN.
CUT TO: CNN, with LARRY KING, and a CNN symbol at the bottom of the screen.
LARRY: We now go live to a press conference with Mr. Bush, regarding the K-Mart terrorist incident, which claimed the lives of several people inside the K-Mart, as well as Wolf Blitzer, and his camera crew.
CUT TO: Bush walking out to his podium, with his pants still down, and toilet paper hanging from his foot. He gets behind the podium.
BUSH: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I'm sure that by now, you've all heard that a K-Mart has been taken over by terrorists. I can assure you, that I have watched this unfold, with great interest, and care. And at the showdown's conclusion, I have been forced to come to a difficult solution. We have a zero tolerance policy with terrorists, and countries who deal with terrorists, so we are forced to take immediate action. Since the chain of K-Mart stores makes more yearly, than the entire country of Canada, it has legally be declared a country. And that means we are now going to war with the chain of stores known to the public, as K-Mart, but now know to us, the US government, as Terror-Mart.
We can not tolerate the fact that a chain of stores that operates within out own country, is harboring terrorists who are definitely creating weapons of mass destruction, and I can not wait for a UN council meeting. The time to take action, is now. And we will be victorious in our war against terror, and our war against K-Mart. Questions?
We can hear the talking of a crowd offscreen.
BUSH: Well, that's a very good question, and I will answer, with the fact that we make a deliberate effort to minimize civilian casualties.
CUT TO: Cheesus: in his apartment. Oh my God, this is getting pretty out of hand, when K-Mart is harboring terrorists. (He stands up, with a censor mark over his groin) The world may need the help of the two most heroic-inanimate objects the world has ever know!
CUT TO: Heaven, Mr. Gear is standing next to Clippy, in an area with bushes.
CLIPPY: OH MY GOD, THAT WAS A SPIDER! A REALLY BIG ONE, THAT WAS HAIRY! WHY IS THERE SPIDERS IN HEAVEN?
MR. GEAR: What the hell is wrong with you? Spiders? So what? It's a friggin' spider. What the hell is wrong with you.
CLIPPY: Oh, I'm sorry we all can't be as brave as you.
MR. GEAR: Well, you know, I've been waiting for someone to say that, I mean after saving the world several time...
CLIPPY: LOOK, IT'S A LOBSTER!!!
And Mr. Gear jumps behind some bushes, while a lobster walks by, and Clippy starts laughing.
Mr. Gear peak out from behind the bushes, and Clippy is still laughing at him.
MR. GEAR: That wasn't all that funny Clippy, I was really scared there. And at least I'm not afraid of spiders. Anywho, have you been keeping an eye on that situation with the gunman holding up that K-Mart.
CLIPPY: Yeah, apparently there was more than one terrorist, they're calling them terrorists now, took out that entire battalion of cops.
MR. GEAR: The entire battalion?
CLIPPY: The entire battalion, it was pretty sad, all those lives lost. Oh, I have to use Crest now, or I'll die lonely.
MR. GEAR: Uh, Clippy, your dead already.
CLIPPY: No shit, I am dead aren't I? And I died lonely....well, not entirely lonely, I did score with your wife.
MR. GEAR: Yes....well.....what are we going to do about this?
CLIPPY: You do whatever you want, I'm gonna think about your wife. Man, that was nice.
MR. GEAR: I'm trying to forget about the time you slept with my wife while you were still alive, and your making it very difficult for me.
CLIPPY: Sorry? I was rembering the BEST SEX OF MY LIFE!!!!
MR. GEAR: Yes, well is Bush going to do anything about the "terrorists"?
CLIPPY: Well, he's declaired war on K-Mart.
MR. GEAR: What the hell? Can he do that?
CLIPPY: Yeah, I didn't think he could either, but he is. He's even going so far as to skip the UN council, saying that he "doesn't have time". If they wait, then the terrorists could attack other Americans.
MR. GEAR: I still don't get why terrorists would take over K-Mart.
CLIPPY: Beats me, but they're already staging peace protets outside the White House, and Bush supporters have already labelled them as "Evil commie bastards, who are only interested in the downfall of America as we know it".
MR. GEAR: Yeah, those crazy Americans. Well, it's a good thing we're dead, because I certainly wouldn't want to deal with this.
CLIPPY: Yeah, but you know what I did enjoy dealing with?
MR. GEAR: I know where this is going, and you better shut up Clippy.
CLIPPY: YOUR WIFE! I LOVED DEALING WITH YOUR WIFE! HAHAHAHA!
SHE WAS A WHORE MR. GEAR, I RODE HER LIKE A CHETLAN PONY!
MR. GEAR: Clippy, you have left me with no choice but to kick your ass....
CLIPPY throws a lobster at MR. GEAR, and he runs away screaming.
CLIPPY: As much as I hate to admite this, Mr. Gear was right, it's a good thing that we don't have to deal with this.
As he says this, Cheesus appears next to him.
CLIPPY: Hey Cheesus, were you killed in the K-Mart thing as well?
CHEESUS: No, why?
CLIPPY: Well, your here, that means your dead.
CHEESUS: I'm Cheesus, son of God Hat, I can freely travel between worlds.
CLIPPY: Oh, neat.
CHEESUS: Where's Mr. Gear?
CLIPPY: He ran away when I threw a lobster at him.
CHEESUS: He's still got that phobia of lobsters?
CLIPPY: Yeah.
CHESSUS: What a weird kid.
CLIPPY: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What did you want him for, anyway?
CHEESUS: To prepare you two to do battle for one final time.
CLIPPY: Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there Cheesus, what's this about doing battle one final time? Why is it us that has to do battle?
CHESSUS: Because Superman got his ass handed to him by an evil robotic orange.
CLIPPY: What?
CHEESUS: A lot has happened since you two have died.
CLIPPY: Ok, I don't know why we have to go back I don't really understand why were even going down there, and the thing that bugs me most about all of this, is, have you forgotten the fact the Mr. Gear and I are dead?
CHEESUS: No.
CLIPPY: So, you want a dead paper clip, and cog wheel, who checked out before I did, to somehow save America?
CHEESUS: Well...
CLIPPY: Man, for the son of the God Hat, your an idiot.
CHEESUS: But I can....
CLIPPY: Ok, I'll save America. Look at me, I'm saving America. Does it look like I'm doing anything? No? That's because I'm not, nor can I! I'M DEAD!
CHEESUS: IF YOU'D SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES, I COULD EXPLAIN SOMETHING! I CAN BRING YOU TWO BACK TO EARTH!
CLIPPY: Oh come on, you the Son of the God Hat, not David Blane.
CHEESUS: My head hurts.
CLIPPY: Yeah, I think there may be something wrong with it, you just told me you could bring me back from the dead.
CHEESUS: Just take me to Mr. Gear before I have a talk with Dad, and have you kicked out of here.
CLIPPY: Alright, calm down there Mr. fanypants. Man, talk about being high and mighty.
CUT TO: MR. GEAR SITTING IN A BEACH CHAIR. HE IS ON A BEAUTIFUL TROPICAL BEACH, WITH APLM TREES, AND WE CAN HEAR THE SOUNDS OF STEEL DRUMS IN THE BACKROUND. THERE IS A CHAIR NEXT TO HIM. ENTER CLIPPY AND CHEESUS. CLIPPY SITS DOWN NEXT TO MR. GEAR.
CLIPPY: I got some bad news big guy.
MR. GEAR: If it's another joke about how you slept with my wife, I swear....
CLIPPY: It's not, but that woudln't been a pretty sweet set-up though, wouldn't it? Anyway, we've gotta go back to Earth to save America from these terrorists.
MR. GEAR: What, why?
CLIPPY: They need our help. Someone told them we're heros.
MR. GEAR: Hey, uh Cheesus, I hate to be the one to tell you friend, but we're dead. I enjoyed being a hero, but that was back then. I can't do that now, although sometimes, I do miss it so much. Like that one time we destroyed Sir Chair. Remeber those times Clippy? They were great weren't they? I though, when they told me I was going to die, and I had to retire, that it would be great. I mean, I loved being a hero, but I got beat up so much. I didn't think I would miss it at all, but there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about it, at least once. I'd walk by where I'd defeated Sir Chair, and I'd stare at that spot for hours. And it was like the memories of it were slapping me in the mouth. And I missed it so much. In fact, I still do. I'd take back all the hurt I had in a second, if I meant I could do it again.
CHEESUS: I can bring you two back.
MR. GEAR: Really? Oh come on, your no David Blane.
CHEESUS smacks Mr. Gear.
MR. GEAR: Really? Clippy, I'm so excited right now! I'm going to be able to save the world again!
CHEESUS: No, just America.
MR. GEAR: Yeah, but to Americans, that is the world. This is gonna be great, isn't it Clippy?
CLIPPY: Oh, magical, we're going back to Earth to save Americans. Marvellous.
CHEESUS: Ok, take my hands, and hold on. We're going to Earth.
There is a bright flash of light, and when it goes away, nothing has changed.
CLIPPY (sarcastic): Oh boy, Earth hasn't changed a bit.
CHEESUS: Just a sec, I can do this.
There is another bright flash of light, and again, when it recides, nothing has changed.
MR. GEAR: Are you sure you know how to get us back to Earth, Cheesus?
CHEESUS: Well, I spend most of my time on Earth, so I'm a little rusty is all.
CUT BACK TO: THE CNN BROADCAST, WOLF BLITZER is standing with COP #1.
WOLF: After a small technical problem, we are now back, I'm now stading with the Officer responsible for leading this charge against the gunman, or gunmen if you will. Officer, can you tell our viewrs at home what happened?
COP #1: Well, we went in there, and they fired upon us, hence the camera malfunctioning. Once we entered, several people laying on the floor, raised to their feet, and held up white flags, hankies, anything white.
WOLF: As a sign of surrender?
COP #1: If you went in there with that attitude Wolf, you wouldn't be here right now. They were going to use those flags, hankies, what have you, as weapons. I am happy to say that their white flags were no match for our fully automatic assult rifles. We mowed them down.
CHEERS arise from the crowd behind them. We can see a FERAL KID in the backround.
Just then, we can see several US helicopters flying overhead. They drop bombs on the K-Mart, causing a great mushroom cloud, and reducing it to rubble.
CUT TO CNN HEADQUARTERS, we can see LARRY KING, sitting at his desk.
LARRY: As you can see, the campaign aginst K-Mart has begun....may God have mercy on our souls.....
We can see several military vehicles racing along city streets which are clear of all other traffic. We can see them approaching K-Mart in the distance.
CUT TO: K-Mart, several employees are fleeing, running in terror.
CUT TO: Inside a military helicopter, was can see it aproaching K-Mart as well.
CUT TO: INSIDE K-MART, LOOKING OUT AT THE MILITARY VEHICLES APPROACHING.
Just ahead of them, we can see a bright flash of light, and Mr. Gear is standing to the right, with Cheesus in the middles, and Clippy to his left.
CLOSE UP ON CLIPPY: CHESUS, THEY'RE GONNA KILL US!
And Clippy runs off.
Mr. Gear and Cheesus stand their ground however, jump onto the oncoming tank. Mr. Gear knocks on the hatch.
MR. GEAR: Hello?
DOPEY ASS SOLDIER OPENS THE HATCH: Hey, aren't you dat Gear what saved the lil' chillen?
MR. GEAR: That's right, hey, I was wondering, what's going on here?
DOPEY: Well, we're attacking K-Marts everywhere, they had terrorists livin' inside o' dem.
MR. GEAR: Well, I realize this may be above your head, but I was wondering if you could call the attack off...I'll handle this one.
DOPEY: Above ma head? I'm da general. I'll call off da attack, just cuz I like your face. (HE REACHES UP AND TOUCHED MR. GEAR)
MR. GEAR: Ok, but, next time your going to attack somewhere, try to lay off the booze, k? I can smell it from here.
CUT TO SHADOWY ROOM, WE CAN SEE THE SHADOWY FIGURE WATCHING TV.
SHADOWY FIGURE: Just as I feared, Bush had attacked my chain of K-Mart stores, I must retailate, and destroy this menance. For I am.....(HE STANDS UP, LIGHT NOW REVEALING HIS FACE) AL GORE!
PAN SLIGHTLY TO THE RIGHT, AND WE CAN SEE TIPPER GORE OVER AL'S RIGHT SHOULDER. AL'S EYES LOOK OVER HIS SHOULDER AT HER.
TIPPER: Now Al, remeber, you can violently kill as many people as you want, but you must remeber never to swear, that sets a bad example, ok?
AL'S EYES ROOL.
CUT TO MR. GEAR AND CHEESUS STANDING IN THE PARKING LOT OF K-MART:
MR. GEAR: Well, I haven't gone this in a while, but dam, I'm excited, let's get ready to kick some terrorist ass Cheesus.
They begin to run towards the us, heroic action music playing. The angle shifts towards K-Mart however, and Clippy is running towards them.
CHEESUS: Isn't that Clippy up ahead?
MR. GEAR: Yeah, it is.
CLIPPY: Hey, there never was a terrorist inside K-Mart. It was all a huge misunderstanding, it was a dark complected guy, who accedentally shop lifted an Asprin.
MR. GEAR: Are you serious? My God Hat, this is just a terrible turn of events. I can't beleive all of this death, and blood shed, over an $10 bottle of Asprin.
CLIPPY: Uh, it was $8.99.
MR. GEAR: OH MY GOD!
We can see a FERAL KID in the backround.
CUT TO: PARLIMENT HILL, WE CAN SEE PARLIMENT HILL, AND UNDERNEATH IT ONSCREEN, IT IS WRITTEN AS WELL: PARLIMENT HILL, CADANA, EH?
CUT TO INSIDE: We can see AL GORE standing, facing us.
AL GORE: So, you see, I need your help in taking on Bush, and the American amry.
CUT TO: BEHIND GORE, WE CAN SEE CRETIEAN STAND UP
JEAN: I'll do it! Our Canadian army will be ready for an all our war against our overly-aggresive brothers to the south.GORE TURNS AWAY FROM JEAN, AND TOWARDS US, HE HUNCHES OVER, AND EVIL MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY:
GORE: Yes, soon Bush, you will fall, and all will be right with the world.
CUT TO SIR CHAIR IN HELL:
SIR CHAIR: Yes, my plain is comming together nicely. Everything is coming into place, I'll just watch some CNN. Nothing calms me down after a hard day in hell like knowing things on earth are screwed up too.
We can see the TV, with CNN on.
WOLF BLITZER: We are here live with some breaking news, a cog wheel and a paper clip, known as Mr. Gear and Clippy (show "File Photo" of Clippy in a cocktail dress) have somehow returened from the dead, and are attacking US forces.
CUT TO: HELL:
SIR CHAIR: DAMIT! DAMIT ALL TO HELL! MY BASTARD CHILDREN ARE UP ON EARTH TOO! THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS! Makes me wish I had stuck around when they were born, I'm pretty sure I could've kicked their ass then.
We can see tanks, military hummers, and helicopters being thrown into the distance, and when the smoke clears, Mr. Gear, Cheesus, and Clippy are standing as a tank drops on top of Clippy from the sky.
CLIPPY: SON OF A BITCH!
And a new wave of Tanks rolls towards them, surrounding them, and blocking them from out site.
WOLF: We go now live, to George Bush, as he is holding a press conference regarding this new threat.
CUT TO: BUSH, STANDING BEHIND THE PODIUM:
BUSH: It has become clear to me that Mr. Gear and Clippy, who have served us in the past with their heroic deeds, have unfortunately turned to the dark side to complete their training. They have alligned with they terrorists, and as you know, we cannot tolerate this kind of action, so we are gonna BOMB THE SHIT OUT OF THEM!
CHEERS, AND GUNSHOTS ARISE FROM THE CROWD.
CUT TO: MR. GEAR, CLIPPY, AND CHEESUS: Standing grouped together.
MR. GEAR: This is terrible, their just sending wave after wave of their men, we cant' hold them off forever.
CLIPPY: And I'm bleeding to death, you know, in case your interested or anything.
CHEESUS: I'll have to take us out of here, by teleportation.
CUT TO WOLF BLITZER:
WOLF: We have just heard word that Cheesus is going to attempt to "teleport" Mr. Gear and Clippy out of the battlefield. (laughter) This is laughable, I mean, Cheesus isn't David Blane or anything.
WE CAN HEAR CHEESUS' VOICE IN THE BACKROUND: SCREW YOU WOLF BLITZER!
CUT TO CHEESUS MR. GEAR AND CLIPPY.
CHEESUS: David Blane, if I find that guy, I swear...
CLIPPY (cutting him off): Yeah, that's all well and good, but, if your not doing anything, or anything, CAN YOU GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE?
CHEESUS: Oh yeah, sorry. Well, I'm gonna be honest, I don't know where I can teleport us to, but I'll do it.
A bright FLASH of light, and they appear in New York City. We can see a FERAL KID in the backround.
CLIPPY: Where the hell are we?
CHEESUS: I don't know.
CLIPPY: Told ya, he's not David Blane.
Cheesus slaps Clippy.
MR. GEAR: Well, it kinda looks like New York City, and, oh my God, look, it's David Blane, fresh off his newest publicity stunt, being frozen in a block of ice, and look there just letting him out!
They let David Blane out a giant ice block, and he is immediately shot in the head. We can see Cheesus standing with a smoking gun.
CHEESUS: No David Blane eh? He wasn't good enough to dodge that bullet, was he? Well, we don't need to be here, let's teleport to see George Bush. Maybe we can convice him that there aren't any terrorists in K-Mart.
THERE IS A BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT, AND WHEN THE LIGHT FADES THEY'RE IN THE OVAL OFFICE.
George Bush is wearing women's undergarments, along with his sports coat, while a donkey rolls around in a huge pile of money.
BUSH: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?
CLIPPY: Well, I'm bleeding to death.
MR. GEAR: We're here to let you know that there are no terrorists in the K-Marts, it was all a big misunderstanding, you'll have to call off the attack.
BUSH: I'll call off nothing, my bastards.....terrorists!
He then pulls a large assault riffle from under his desk, and begins firing. Mr. Gear and Cheesus duck, but Clippy is hit.
MR. GEAR: CLIPPY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
CLIPPY: Yeah, I'm fine, but I'm afraid I'm staining out goor friend's carpet with my blood.
CUT TO THE PARKING LOT OF K-MART, THE US ARMY IS ATTACKING A NEW K-MART. From behing them we can hear:
CANADIAN SOLDIER: CHARGE, EH?
CUT TO THE CANADIAN ARMY: It begins it's charge, and we can see the men on horses riding in. CUE THE OLD BLACK AND WHITE VIDEO OF AN OLD COWBOY AND INDIANS MOVIE.
The Dopey ass soldier is standing with a rocekt launcher over his shoulder.
DOPEY: This'll teach 'em.
The rocket fires off, but curves back towards the US Soldiers. We can see DOPEY's face, as a single trickle of sweat runs down his forehead. We can see a large mushrom cloud.
CUT TO TWO SECRET SERVICE MEN, WHO ARE STANDING OUT SIDE THE OVAL OFFICE.
SERVICEMEN #1: You sure we shouldn't check up on him, I heard gun shots.
SERVICEMEN #2: No, he does so weird stuff in there with that donkey.
We can see AL GORE walking up to them.
SERVICEMEN #1: Don't come any closer sir, this is the Oval office, and you can't enter.
Al Gore raises his hands.
AL: It's ok, I'm a friend of mr. Bush's. He's expectiong me.
SERVICEMEN #2: We'll have to check you for weapons sir.
AL: Oh, sure. That's ok, I understand.
They try to check him, when he stabs then with knives he had up his sleve. They drop dead, as Al cries out Bruse Lee style.
AL: Bush is an evil bastard, and must be stopped. Must be stopped...must be....I'll have to stop him.
AL KICKS DOWN THE DOOR, and we can see him enter the oval office. He looks down at Mr. Gear and Clippy.
CUT TO SIR CHAIR IN HELL:
SIR CHAIR: What the hell are these punks doing here?
CUT TO: BUSH IN THE OVAL OFFICE.
BUSH (pointing the rilfe): You want some of this Gore? I'll give you your "Recount"!
He point the gun at Gore, and pulls the trigger, but all we can hear is a "click" noise.
He throws down the gun, and they walk towards one another, slowly, while dramatic music plays in the backround.
CUT TO: MR. GEAR AND CHEESUS CHECKING ON CLIPPY.
MR. GEAR: Are you gonna make it Clippy?
CLIPPY: Everythings.....getting dark.....blood....gushing out wounds.....unalbe to complete sentences.
MR. GEAR: It doesn't sound good, can't you heal him Cheesus?
CHEESUS: No, I'm no David Blane.
CUT TO A CLOSE UP OF BUSH'S FACE, we can see Al's fist connect with Bush's face, but Bush just laughs, and his eyes glow red.
WE CAN SEE A CLOSEUP OF AL'S FACE, and a question mark appears over his head.
BUSH: Yes, it is I, Sir Chair, the most vile and evil of all chairs, who has possed the leader of the free world, to wreck havoc upon it, and unleash me, in my true form! HAHAHAHA!
He then beins to pummel Al Gore relentlessly. He pounds him, and picks him up over his head, and he begins walking towards the window.
CUT TO MR. GEAR, CHEESUS AND CLIPPY.
MR. GEAR: Did you hear that Clippy? Goerge Bush is really our evil father! Well, I'm not surprised really, it does explain a lot. Hey, I've got an idea.
MR. GEAR picks up Clippy, and straightens him out.
CLIPPY: OH GOD, MY SPINE!
CUT TO A CLOSE UP OF BUSH'S FACE, WITH HIS ARMS OVER HIS HEAD, looking up at Al Gore.
BUSH: Now, to dispose of you...for GOOD!
As he does this, we can see the straightened CLIPPY, fly into his ear, and a ludicruos amount of blood squirts out. We zoom out, and we can see he drops Al Gore behind him. Al Gore hits the ground, and gets up, again using his knives he cuts George Bush's head off, and a ridiculous amount of blood squirts out.
AL: I knew he was evil, and I've killed him! It's over, it's finally over, I won!
An awkward silence falls over the room, and George Bush's body stands still. Then, suddenly, Sir Chair's head pokes out of George Bush's stump, his leg's not straight, but off on a 45 degree angle, and if Bush's stump in an elastic wound too tightly around something.
He turns around, and granbs Al by the throat, picking him up off the ground.
SIR CHAIR: You thought you could win? You thought you could play the hero, and kill me? Is that what you thought?
AL (choking): Uh-huh!
SIR CHAIR: Well, you were wrong.
AS HE SAYS THIS, he throws Al Gore out of the window, killing him, and sending shards of glass raining down. We can see the hole put in the window.
George Bush's body SHREADS down the center, and we can see Sir Chair standing where George Bush used to be. A pool of blood lines the floor.
SIR CHAIR: Yes! Finally, I have returned to Earth, and not even you little bastards coming back to Earth can bring me down today, no that I'm out of hell!
MR. GEAR RUNS AT SIR CHAIR, (towards the camera): YOU WON'T BE HERE LONG!
Sir Chair jumps over Mr. Gear, lands, and looks at Mr. Gear, (towards the camera)
SIR CHAIR: I've been in hell son, I've been hanging out with the worst criminals and thugs in the world, and you've been in Heaven, with the nicest, kindest people in the world. Your old man's learned a few things since he's been gone son, and you've only gotten weaker.
CHEESUS RUNS AT SIR CHAIR WHILE HIS BACK IS TURNED, but he also jumps over Cheesus, and he runs into Mr. Gear.
CHEESUS: OW, DAMMIT!
SIR CHAIR then shots a lazer beam out out his "arms" at both Mr. Gear, and Cheesus, putting a large bloddy hole through the both of them. MR. GEAR AND CHEESUS now are laying in a huddled mass on the floor, bleeding.
Now, to launch Nuclear Missles at key point in the world, to destroy them, thus making my reign absolute!
WE CAN SEE THE CLOSE UP ON THE BIG RED BUTTON, and we can see SIR CHAIR'S "arm" push it.
WE CAN HEAR A LOUD METALIC VOICE OVER: NUCLEAR MISSLE LAUNCH ARMING!
SIR CHAIR: Oh, do you hear that? They're arming the missle, and millions will die, simply because I pushed a red button, that's humbling.
I knew it wasn't terrorists in K-Mart all along you know. I just used Bush's hatered towards them, terrorists, as a means for me to posses him. And when the public see it's me who valliantly ordered the strike against the "Terrorists", the will have me, democratically voted in a president, of these United States.
MR. GEAR: And if they don't?
SIR CHAIR: I'll just use my army to crush them. Now, to turn on CNN, and see MY army destroying K-Mart, and destroying "terrorists".
HE TURNS ON CNN, AND SEE A LONE CANADIAN SOLDIER STANDING NEXT TO AN AMERICAN SOLDIER.
CANDAIN: Well, we found out it was terrorists inside K-Mart that they were going after, and then, we found out it wasn't a terrorist, but a huge missunderstanding, and we made peace amonst ourselves.
SIR CHAIR: NO! KILL EACH OTHER YOU BASTARDS! Oh well, I've still got the nukes. Now, MY REIGN AS RULER OF THIS WORLD, WILL COMMENSE! Mr. Gear, Clippy..
CLIPPY (cutting him off) I'm still in Bush's ear, and bleeding, can someone help?
SIR CHAIR: I think it's time I tell the both of you, that you were mistakes, and had I stuck around to watch you grow up longer than I had, rest assured I would have killed you. And you mother was a whore.
METALLIC VOICE: NUCLEAR MISSLES ARMED, LOCKING ON TO INTENDED TARGET, LAUNCH IMMENANT.
MR GEAR: (in a tired voice) My mother was a saint...
SIR CHAIR: Sure, you just keep telling yourself that kid.
HE TURN AROUND TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.
SIR CHAIR: I want to see the nukes go off, this'll be so cool.
MR. GEAR (whispering) Cheesus, I have a plan, listen....
CUT TO SIR CHAIR.
SIR CHAIR: Such a nice day out. Beautiful really. I wonder if they have those camera on the missles, so I can see the look on their faces, just before they die. That'd make my day. (from behind him) MR. GEAR: MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT!
MR. GEAR LAUNCHES HIMSELF AS SIR CHAIR, and begins to spin, his teeth cutting Sir Chair up, sending blood squirting all over the Oval Office. Then Mr. Gear stops.
SIR CHAIR: Lost too much blood to finish me off haven't you son? This'll teach you to try some shit like that agian.
Sir Chair slams Mr. Gear onto the ground. And then jumps on top of him, over and over again, causing Mr. Gear to bleed, creating yet anoth pool of blood under him.
He doesn't notice however, Cheesus walking with Clippy, still sticking out of Bush's ear.
CLIPPY: Could you take me out of his head? He's starting to stink.
CHEESUS: Shut up Clippy, you don't want Sir Chair to hear us.
CHEESUS WALKS OVER TO THE BIG RED BUTTON, and slams Clippy inside of it, sending bolts of electricty through Clippy's bodyand into Bush's head, which is being held in the air by Clippy.
CLIPPY: ERAGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! THE PAIN!!!!!
SIR CHAIR STOPS STOMPING ON MR. GEAR, and turns around.
SIR CHAIR: NO! YOU BASTARDS!
METALIC VOICE: YOU HAVE PERFOMRMED AN ILLEGAL FUNCTION. PROGRAM WILL NOW SHUT DOWN.
SIR CHAIR: YOU BASTARDS! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!
SIR CHAIR PICKS UP MR. GEAR, AND THROWS HIM AT CHEESUS.
MR. GEAR: *coughs up blood* Guess this is the end Cheesus, the end for us.
CHEESUS: Yeah, but we saved the world.
CLIPPY: ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. At least I'm not bleeding anymore, I think my body ran out.
SIR CHAIR: Have you, have you saved the world?
SIR CHAIR WALKS OVER TO THE BIG RED BUTTON PANEL, AND BEGINS TO PRESS BUTTONS.
METALIC VOICE: A FATAL ERROR HAS OCCURED, PRESS ANY BUTTON TO CONTINUE.
WE CAN HEAR SIR CHAIR PRESS ANOTHER BUTTON.
SIR CHAIR: SON OF A BITCH! IT RESTARTED.
CHEESUS: We did it, we saved the world. *coughs up blood*
MR. GEAR: Your coughing blood on me, asshole.
SIR CHAIR: I'll go down to the silo myself, and see if there isn't a manual switch or something.
SIR CHAIR JUMPS OUT OF THE BROKEN WINDOW, AND WE CAN SEE HIM STANDING ON TOP OF THE MISSLE, in the backyard of the White House. He looks all around the outside of the missle, and then begins to jump on top of it.
SIR CHAIR: Launch you bastard. I told you to kill millions of people, and your gonna go it, dammit!
CUT TO: MR. GEAR AND CHEESUS.
CHEESUS: Oh look Mr. Gear, the computer finally rebooted. *coughs up more blood*
MR. GEAR: I don't have much longer to live. How are you doing Clippy? (silence) Clippy? (again, silence) Oh God, my best friend, my brother, dead. I'll be joining you soon, brother. (CHEESUS COUGHS AGAIN) Stop coughing blood on my asshole.
METALIC VOICE: TARGET INFORMATION CORRUPTED, LAUNCH MISSLE.
CUT TO SIR CHAIR, still jumping on the missle.
SIR CHIAR: YOU COCKSU..
AND THE MISSLE IS IMMEDIATELY LAUNCHED, WITH SIR CHAIR ON TOP OF IT. We can see the missile flying into the sky from within the Oval office's broken window.
SIR CHAIR (voice fading): I'LL BE BAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
CUT TO MR. GEAR AND CHEESUS.
MR. GEAR: We did it, we defeated Sir Chair. But, it looks like we're gonna go back to Heaven Cheesus. Your a good friend, except for the blood thing. That was gross.
JUST THEN, THERE IS A BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT, AND THE GOD HAT APPEARS:
MR. GEAR: I've just dies, I can see the God Hat, he's coming to take me away to Heaven.
GOD HAT: No, I'm gonna heal ya, and let ya live.
MR. GEAR: All of us.
GOD HAT: Yup.
THERE WOUNDS MAGICALLY HEAL UP, AND MR. GEAR, AND CHEESUS STAND UP.
MR. GEAR: Wow, we did it. We defeated evil, eh Cheesus.
CHEESUS: We sure did Mr. Gear.
MR. GEAR: I think this is gonna be the start of a beautiful new seires.
CHEESUS: What?
MR. GEAR: Start of a beautiful new friendship. What did you think I said?
CHEESUS: Well, I wasn't sure, that's why I asked.
CLIPPY: Little help? I'm still straightened, and have Bush's roasted head on me.
CHEESUS AND MR. GEAR LAUGH.
CLIPPY: I hate both of you.
VOICE OVER: (in a thick Australian accent) In the fullness of time, I became the great leader of the Free World, or, the USA.
WE CAN SEE THE FERAL KID STANDING BEHIND THE PODIUM.
FERAL KID: Why not? Bush got in?
CUT TO: MR: GEAR, CHEESUS, AND CLIPPY, STILL IN THE MACHINE, INSIDE THE OVAL OFFICE.
CLIPPY: SEIROUSLY, HELP, THERE'S STILL ELECTRICITY RUNNING THROUGH THIS THING!
MR. GEAR AND CHEESUS LAUGH, AS BLACK CIRCLE ENCLOSES OVER THEM, AND COMPLETELY ENGULFES THE SCREEN.
ROOL CREDITS.
AFTER CREDITS: WE CAN SEE SIR CHAIR, HANGING ONTO THE NUCLEAR MISSLE SILO, HE'S LEAVING THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE, AND HE LET'S GO, FALLING BACK TO EARTH. THE MISSLE BLOWS UP IN SPACE.
Written by
Timoth J. M. Cyr
Completed August 22, 2003.